Getting fit

One life to live. Gotta put your heart and soul into it, I dare say.

I'm going to get fucking RIPPED. Like nobody's business.

I believe in Fitness. I believe in TITTIES and you can't get titties unless you got muscles.

so I'm going to get muscles and subsequently the Titties as a result of the muslces.

We'll see....

pracitce is gay

What can I say, I dabble in the the arts in its various formats.

Learning the piano. Why? Because I always wanted to. I have nothing else to do. And if I become skilled, it'll be beneficial in the long term.

Sucks to be my age. You're better off dead in a lot of people's eyes.

But I'm going to do what I WANT. I don't care if you want me to do something else. I don't know you.

I realize now that the only thing that will save me in this world is my brain. It's fast, it's smart, it can tackle hard intellectual subjects. So if I've got a mind that's worth something, I'll survive.

That's the name of the game. How ya gonna live in this world and compete against very smart people at the top... you better bring something to the table or they'll leave you in the dust.

The tragedy of being female

I have to say it is without a doubt quite a shock beyond anything I could have imagined to realize one day that females are fucking STUPID.

It truly was a mistake to impress upon an entire generation of 90s kids to treat women with respect and look up to them as goddesses who can do no wrong.

They do A LOT wrong.

 I wish my childhood included more male influences because it's a tough thing to look at women as pieces of meat like they WANT you to look at them.

Yep. It's sad. but truth on top of truth is that girls LOVE being treated like garbage.

It makes NO sense. AT ALL. But the female mind MAKES NO SENSE at all truth be told.

I sit on the train next to this hot little white chick and I'm thinking i n my head, do I have a chance with this ho. Ultimately that's how girls get laid, they just hang out in the world looking HOT and then it's on YOU to go after their ass.

 And it's not easy to know who's the right age, who's available. Truth be told, better off going to a club where that kind of thing is expected than just randomly going after girls on the train, yeah....

I think to myself honestly, don't waste your time with women. Just don't...

Yunno. You don't have to change who you are from who you were as a kid. Me, SO WHAT. i LIKE TO PLAY WITH TOYS and be a kid. Even at 27. SO THE FUCK WHAT?

Why is that your problem?

I'm alright. I'm a good guy. I just have my quirks is all, always have. I'm an inventor, an architect, and an artist, who like to  dream big and play with big toys. I just wish I could get a fucking life going with money and shit so that I could really explore all these projects Ihave in mind.

I like going to websites where you see artists doing their stuff. Like it's amazing what the internet can provide bsides some white girl getting fucked in the ass by a black guy.

Besides THAT STUFF, you'll find a lot of cool things, comic art, ghostbusters art, everything you can dream of. The internet provides more than regular life.

It'll bounce back. It's going to take time and effort but I believe that some day the net will create a massive explosion in the art world, a new renaissance. We're not there yet. It'll take time, blood will be shed, but in the end, a whole new world of art will emerge from the ashes because now the best and brightest artists on the planet have the ability to collaborate on their projects through the web. Something that was impossible years ago.

All this shit, all these little web shows, nostalgia critic, angry videogame nerd, chirs stuckman, etc, THIS IS THE BEGININING of a new era in the art world where private film-making and scomedy will become mainstream.

Funny, it used to be that college was the gateway to getting your artistic projects published, but now anyone can just create something and release it to the masses without any problems at all. So I suppose college may one day become obsolete, IF we're civilized enough to provide each other with adequate education on the internet without going crazy.

bECOMING A SUPER SAIYAN

I've always been a warrior. I've always found challenges fun and ultimately rewarding. I don't look for a fight but I don't often shy away from one and if I get beat,  I try to figure out how to succeed next time.

Now I've really hit on the golden goose, my friends. I now know how to drop shit ton of weight off my body sot that I can feel  A LOT better and move more quickly.

Life sucks. If I was only taught this stuff as a kid, I'd have been all good. Kids could push me around or whatever, wouldn't matter, I'd have my health plan to focus on.

Learning it at 27 is a mistake, but life is a one way street, there's no going back.

It's working though. I'm at 179 pounds right now. I look good. I move faster. I'm lighter. I feel like a goddamn teenager again.

EVERYBODY should do this shit. I know very smart white people know about ketosis, so they're all set. But no doubt a lot of people are still ignorant to it.

I realize that's the world for you. Educated people stand above and not give a damn about the rest of us dumb fucks.

I think to myself I should be the same. Now that I'm ascending to super saiyan level in life, not care about the little people beneath me who are still ignorant.

But no. I don't look at things that way. I'll help my worst enemy if necessary.

Got to do this diet plan if you're smart. Stick to high protein diet and you'll INCREASE your health 10 fold. And become a Super Saiyan like me.

fire safety career

Hopefully this works out. These guys make 58,000 dollars a year by inspecting buildings for fire safety requirements.

I'm going to go down and get my FSD license tomorrow. Then we can see if I can get a job as one of those guys.

Making that kind of bread will be very very helpful. I'm only 27. I have no criminal record. I've got nothing, no kids, no problems, and I'm just a fucktard jacking off all day. Why the blue hell can't I have a career and money and an apartment like everybody else in this goddamn society. Come on...

I'll get it, but the job, I'm not so sure. Just let's pass this exam and proceed from there...

At the end of the day

One thing I think is most interesting about life is how primal human beings are.

I was walking by a Chinese restaurant down in Manhattan and I saw this white girl through the window. She had blue eyes, brown hair, and she looked like she was ready to take 50 dicks. Just the look on her face was "I gotta eat a dick."

I mean there's no hiding it, no amount of civility to cover up what we human beings really are... FUCKING ANIMALS.

You don't see it when you're a kid. You just see civility. Society working as very smart men designed it to work.

But no amount of this fascade of class, dignity, and education will EVER  overcome our  natural instincts. It really fucking won't.

At the end of the day, a boy and a girl will strip naked and fuck each other senseless no matter what.

I'm confused by what is it then to be an "adult". I always thought adults were fucking yunno mature and shit as a kid. But NO. They're WORSE than kids. Kids are MORE mature than adults when all is said and done.

Sure you got very SMART adults in this world, but the majority of grown men and women are fucking not what you thought they'd be as a kid.

It's just a strange thing to discover as you go along in life, but yeah. To be an adult is merely to be driven by very basic primal instincts that you have NO FUCKING CONTROL OVER.

Women will peacock, which is display their breasts, and ass, for males.

Men of course want to fuck any girl in the fucking room 24/7...

That's IT. Alll that shit you thought as a kid, BULLSHIT. All people want to do as they get older is FUCK.

Kanye and Kim

If there's one thing I have to say I actually LIKE about girls is their free spiritedness. You'll find out when you get older kids... There are women in this world who are fucking AWESOME.

Basically boys in females bodies.

I've met them, they're the BEST... they will let you do ANYTHING to their body.

It appears to me that ms Kardashian is one of these.

even to the point of having a black child.

What the fuck is going on with girls these days that they're spreading their legs for black people like nobody's business...

WHY? What the hell is that supposed to mean? There's nothing fucking special about black people. Why are you trying to turn black?

Fearlessness? You want to be saying you're REEEEEEEEEEEALLY not racist.

Maybe that's the point. White people are actually trying to make the point that they're not racist anymore by turning black.

That's a hell of a way to do it....

That puts a hell of a burden on my shoulders. I have to say it was a shock to go to BMT and have a bunch of white guys trying to prove I'm some kind of representative to all black people or something.

I hate black people.

I will not go the extra mile for other black people at all.

You are on you're own pal. Unlike whites and everbody else, I grew up with black kids. I know they're fucking MORONS.

So I can tell you without a shred of doubt that it's a mistake to turn black. Maybe you'll get lucky and have no issues turning black at all. But NO, you will.

It's because of faggots. Bunch of white girls in breeding age can't find a boyfriend and decide to turn black.

Fascinating.

My thoughts on quitting porn and masturbation

heh, I'll be honest. Even though nobody online cares about me at all.

I used to have wet dreams. And My semen flew out my dick like a cannon. It was blissful. I mean it was like better than any sensation I ever felt. It was soothing, relaxing, like a drug.

Now. I jack off and my shit comes out like a little spoot of shit.

It's not intense. It's not seriously strong as it used to be...

I have issues with that. I don't know how people live their lives in this world. Ultimately I'm guessing people are all hopped up on hot naked sex. And after a orgasm they feel so good and relaxed and content with the world.

Shame we decide to live a life of violence and cruelty when we can all just relax and fuck and enjoy our lives. But this world is ASS. Major ASS. People going to a fucking movie can't get a break. Someone shoots them dead. I mean that could have been me. I never think at a movie someone will shoot me.

But at the end of the day we all go back to fucking and getting that orgasm.

Yunno. I agree with that assessment. You may think I'm thinking No, people should all not fuck at all. But NO. I'll be the first one to fuck a hot ass girl if I have a chance. No fucking hesitation.

But I think it's beatable. I really do. I remember when I was off the computer for like a week. I came back home and looked at some naked girl and didn't think about it in a sexual way at all. I just said, oh whatever, don't care about those titties and that oiled up naked body of hers.


This gives me hope anyway that I can quit. I don't understand life anymore. It's like I go to work and there's a good fucking looking chick there and I'm thinking she's hot in the pants and wants some fuckin... but NO apparently she don't need no sexual healing...

So I HAVE TO QUIT. I really do. If I don't quit, I can't sustain a job. Because I'll be too fucking horny as fuck to work. You want to work, you want to be a good employee, but you're just fucking always feeling shitty because you're not getting laid really...

I don't like that i have this addiction to fucking. I really just want to chill and live and eat and watch movies and shit.

but I HAVE TO jack off. All the time. And it's debilitating to say the least. I wonder if it will change with Age. I certainly hope they do.

But anyway here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to just stop. No porn. No nothin. Just going to watch cartoons and tv shows. And not think about ass and titties.

Because it's just too much to bear. All the bullshit of sexuality and girls and things like that.

Very smart men in this world. But it's caused an imbalance. Someone with extraordinary mind is scooped up and put the work by the government or corporate, but there's really no fucking like actual education of sexuality in this world. In fact, the reason is simply because of politics. We would all be given sex ed if there were no laws against it.

Look at what it's done. We have so much fucking porn on line because these are all a generation of kids from the 80s and 90s who were not taught SHIT about sex. So they've lost their goddamn minds.

Is there something at work in this world that's trying to destroy all of us I wonder? Who in their right mind is trying to make all of us sexually ignorant?

I really can't stand the way society demand vehemently that we study the deepest levels of shit in university with regards to all kinds of complex subjects, but then we get SHIT regarding sex. And that makes me not care about servicing these big corporations. I don't know what's going on. Why did you bring me in to this world, give me food, shelter, and one day give me NOTHING. Just expect me to go to work and die working....

It's going to come flying back in your face, you bet your ass. It's the Art of War. You treat your troops like SHIT, they'll eventually return the favor.

 Alas, just see about quitting porn. I feel like Jesus about to get crucified. Taking major amounts of pain is something I CAN DO. I've always trained my mind and body to handle intense pain. In fact, I know how to take pain. I really do. I suppose it's the "manliness" part of me. If a Father sees his kids in trouble, NOTHING will stop him, no amount of pain will stop him from taking out the enemy. THAT'S FUCKING MILITARY RIGHT THERE NIGGA.

getting a job

Gonna try getting a job as a security Guard. My work at tSA seems to have paid off. I tell the lady on the phone I was a TSO and that made a good impression.

SHIIIIIIIIIIT I need money bad. Goddamn I'm glad I got my Security guard License. Now I can hopefully get all those security guard jobs you see all the time. I'm the perfect age, the perfect physique, the perfect personality to be Security.

No big deal. Get the Job, Get the Pussy... Yep.

Fucking world we live in. You ain't going to be fucking anything unless you got money.

Sucks to see pussy through girl's tight ass pants and not be able to put your mouth on it.

Man do girls wear tight ass pants these days just to fucking piss guys off or what. What are they doing??? You're wearing like no underwear and tights so that everyone can see the exact outline of your pussy, and then it's like fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk why are there guys looking at my groin so much complaints... WOMEN ARE DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMB..............

Fight for the finish

Ok it's settled.

I've decided to do the water diet for 30 days starting tomorrow.

I know why I quit now. I'm a weak fuck.

I didn't have the strength of will to push through and make it to the end.

But I'm not giving up. I'm going to go for the finish no matter the cost....

Then I'll become a man... that is my design..

to take the net to heart

Thinking about this shit. One day I go to ytmnd and post a joke site "I AM GAY"immediately a bunch of fucktards come running in and screaming about how no one cares etc. I'm thinking "wow" where did this come from? Who's hunting me down? Yunno... I just jacked off before making this site.

So this begs the question is it worth it to take the internet seriously? Apparently the media and Government do. There's a lot of stuff going on about who can do or say what online. Motherfucker got jailed for saying he's going to go to someones house and kill him online. http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/02/tech/social-media/facebook-threat-carter/

You serious? If this guy was black, would anyone care? But since he's white they took it seriously...

It is what it is. The internet is not a safe haven from reality, it IS reality. You will be coming across complete psychopaths with no morals or sympathy on here.

Me personally, I don't and never have been to the point where I think my whole life revolves around the net and I still don't. It's just Im unfortunately the FIRST person to be targeted for execution through the web. I never seen that kind of stuff before. I posted here and there but never to the point where I thought it meant life or death. And it shouldn't. It's the internet. It's porn.

Yunno. Every last nigga online is jackin it to porn then going to his favorite website. Ain't none of us different from each other. Either you're fuckin or you're jackin. One or the other. Girls got those big ass titties for something...

 

new plan

As much as I hoped to accomplish this task, I'm going to postpone it. Not feel defeated but ultimately reason has won out.

I'll simply go back to eating food anyway, so what's the point of trying to detoxify... when I'll put all the toxins back in anyway.

Ultimately eating helps you shed pounds faster, so whatever right? Doesn't matter...

Going to slim down tremendously.

You should too. It's all about maintaining ketosis. I don't care what anybody says, this Works. I started at 226 pounds and now I'm at 180. So all those articles about how bad ketosis is can go Fuck themselves.

day 2

I went insane last night. Shocking the body with NO food fucked me up last night so  my brain went goddamn crazy...

It is what it is. It's fucking BIBLICAL to attempt a water only diet. But I"m CRAZY enough to try.

 I really am. I'm a crazy guy, I'll do some crazy shit if I can.

It's just I've never not eaten for a month...

EVER. You me everybody eats, shits, EVERY FUCKING DAY.

To suddenly take that away is just WOW. You don't know your own name anymore after that shit....

But I'll feel better when this process is over.

In life we all must take a bitter pill. Some of us more than others. And ultimately we're all just going to die. So really what separates you from the pack is how HARD you are. Even as a black guy, being HARD will get you somewhere.

Am I HARD enough to take this water diet and spit it out. I believe I am but I've yet to reach day 30...

progress

I'm struggling to figure out how I can distract myself enough to get through this water diet for 30 days.

I think, ok watch the whole series of Kung Fu. Watch the legend continues. Watch the highlander series.

These may help me get through this. It is what it is but above all else is the tortorous need to masturbate.

FUCK. what a life to end up living. Always hungry for some titties.

I wish I could just turn back time. Ain't nothing better than getting up in the morning and turning on some cartoons to watch. Fuck yeah....

I can't even sit through an episode of some old cartoon anymore. I'm too fucking horny.

 So lame. I wouldn't mind grabbing some hot ass and letting the dick sauce fly that's for sure...

But never mind that. I have to be strong. I have to be strong....

Michael Jackson

My personal Idol.

What black youth in the 90s didn't grow up listening to his music and emulating his dance moves.

Time to talk about my and a lot of people's favorite artist Michael Jackson.

He really made life better that's for sure. Now that there is no Michael Jackson, no new MJ album coming out, none of that anticapation we used to have, life just fucking sucks. Who is the best singer these days? Nobody... Nigga was THAT good, he makes everyone after seem like shit. Even got white singers struggling under his shadow, that's how goddamn good he was. Only in America. Got to give it up to This country, it actually worked. Someone who was the FUCKING BEST at what he did, rose to the top and succeeded despite his race or whatever.

I hope to one day be like Mike, both jordan and Jackson. I always dreamed of achieving success and fame like them. Too bad about the internet being what it is. Shame we have INSTANT access to each other nowadays. Makes every little shit you take smell a thousand times more foul.

Sad thing to live in the digital era. I DO indeed want to go back to my fucking 90s baby...

Oh well. Going to still follow MJ. Seems to me that he knew at some point how to drop tons of weight and you'd think he just had strange genetics to be so thin, but no he actually did that to himself. You can too. It's just natural for the body to slim down if you eat a certain way. He put his body in a state called ketosis at a very young age and kept it that way. He ate purely low carb meals for years and his body used his fat for fuel and so he looked very very thin and youthful well into his 50s.

I'm going to do the same. I always wanted to be a skinny person as I got older. But fuck.... little did I know that having a soda and rice and shit would pack on all kinds of weight. But noooooooooo I'm not stupid. I know how to drop weight now.

It'll be very helpful. I hope to one day be sucking on some titties at some point. It's hard to live my life. I go to the bakery and the girl there is just fucking STACKED to the moon with titties.... and I'm just like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck... wanna fuck that ho.....

The Monkey King

Am I the Monkey King?

I dunno... probably... Legend is that every generation someone is born who is the re-incarnation of the Monkey King.

These are men who are "different" than ordinary men. Special powers are bestowed onto these people. In fact yes, there is something special about me. I always knew it. Just never knew what to call it until now.

I suppose I am like him to a large degree. Same facial features, same sense of humor, same Agility, and ultimately same outlook on life. Wanna play and wanna have fun...

I can feel something inside of me, always have, this fire. This spirit.

Sounds kinda racist to call myself a monkey, but far from it. This is serious stuff. Look at other Monkey Kings. Look at Jackie Chan. Look at Walt Disney, Robin Williams, all monkey Kings.0

Oh and of course Stephen Chow

What's it mean to be a monkey king? You're a beacon of hope for humanity. You look on the bright side of life, always. You're serious when necessary but you always try to have fun and laugh at life.

It's strange twist of worlds. As a kid, I always tried to have fun and play with toys and watch cartoons. Now as a man,  everybody seems to view life as this bag of shit and nothing is fun except fucking....

Gotta be kidding me... Life wasn't like that when I was little at all... Yeah I got a sense now and again of the cruel world we live in. But no way can you tell me that life is just shit on top of shit now adays... with no fun to be had. Gotta be kidding me goddamnit.

It's these FUCKING COLLEGE GRADUATES. They get their degree and all they want to do is have a fucking lengthy debate with you on politics. And all you're thinking about is sucking a titty.

Yeah, maybe I'm not super fucking smart like YOU. YOU WIN. Anyway I'm looking at this gorgeous latina girl's ass and dreaming of licking her butt crack.

What are YOU doing?

My sincerest apologies for not being a complete fuddy duddy like YOU....

Is Art Necessary?

Emphatically I would say yes.

It's the old Mac VS PC debate. Which is the better, for a computer to have flash and style or just be technically proficient and nothing more.

By all means if you so desire take this and roll with it yourself and think about why we create art at all...

Well, I think it is somewhat sexual, art. It's about emotional release. A lot of Art is very much made to provoke some kind of emotional response.

I remember James Cameron saying that his purpose is to somehow incite an emotional reaction from the audience. And he's the guy, a Genius artist, who has been delving deeply into exactly HOW a film can achieve some kind of emotional reaction.

You'll see it. A lot of films are made and some of them really make you want to sit and watch what happens to the characters. It's a really complex task to generate interest in the story especially now today.

Back as a kid, I'd just sit and watch anything, didn't need to be complex or deep. But the veil has been lifted these days. We all know these movies are just bullshit. Not real. So they have to go to extremes these days to make us care about the story and characters. Lots of violence has been the answer to that. But that's not the way I'd approach it. If you want to sell a story, you take your fucking time and tell it. Don't get it over with. Give us moments of little stuff going on, characters thinking about things, whatever... make it true to life.

It's like the difference between X1 and X2 and X3. Obviously the third movie was made with half a brain behind it.

that's the kind of thing that I personally don't favor about films these days vs the old days when there was no CGI.

The art of crafting a world and letting the audience get lost in it is in itself a lost art these days.

I hope to GOD that JJ Abrams approaches Star Wars with the intention of bringing it back to its roots. I hope he watches Empire 50 times before filming anything. Then watches a lot of smart films that don't rely on fx at all.

But WHY WHY WHY WHY do we like to create art? Because it's FUN. Because we're bored. Life is boring. You wake up you go piss. You go eat. You go shit. You may go to work or you may sit oround watching a movie. Whatever... Life is boring. But in order to make life so much more fun. We create truly fun little works of art here and there.

I wish I knew how to join in on the fun myself. Film making is a billion dollar industry. it is above and beyond impressive how the same fucking actors can make millions prettymuch playing themselves every movie...

Will Smith.

I don't know. Very smart fucking people doing very Smart fucking things... I don't got shit to do with that. I just know I have artistic visions myself and wouldn't mind learning how to craft them through these new technologies we have. You may look down on some guy in his basement making fan films, but isn't that how Spielberg Started? Yunno... He's not this guy who ended up where he was through sheer luck, he's the BEST.

and maybe I'm crazy, but I think I can do better than him. With time of course. everyone's wondering who the next spielberg is going to be....

Everyone's saying oh it's peter jackson, oh its Guerllmo Deltoro... but no... maybe it's me... I've done the same things. I've made movies and stuff for fun as a kid and as a teen and still enjoy it. So I mean once we get this static movie over, I can see myself potentially getting into film making. Problem is, who cares about my movies? Nobody...

To be a dreamer

It's not a bad thing. to be an artist. To dream. To create cool things and nothing more.
Yeah. Not bad at all...

Like for real. I love to dance, to sing, to watch a good piece of art whether its film or whatever. Too bad about politics getting in the way sometimes. Good Art is Good Art, is it not?

Everyone's asking the question what  IS art?

I believe art is a quiet moment of introspection.

When you sit and you look at life and believe in something GREATER about life than what is immediately available.

I may be sounding a little arrogant, but I AM without question an artist. Been one my WHOLE life.

It's good to dream. It's good for kids to believe in life being about dreaming of great things. It's good to be bathed in art as a child imo.

Then when you get out into the world you still hold on to that life you had where life seemed blissfull and great.

 So I hold on to that. My mind is like always struggling to cling to the days of waking up on Saturday Morning and Seeing Winnie the Pooh. Say what you WANT about that show, but it is the MOST blissfull little experience I've EVER had in my life to wake up to the Winnie the  Pooh Cartoon.... It was like experiencing HEAVEN on earth....

So I'm at odds with myself. One side of me is corrupted, loves to just be a bad seed, watch titties, the other side wants to create deep meaninful works of art. like the pooh show.

So it's a teeter totter of a life for me.

I want to make great stuff for kids to watch because somebody out there made great stuff for me. And wow, you can't beat those guys. They're saints on earth.

Becoming Thin

I'm at a cool 180 pounds right now.

Going to drop even more weight, my estimations at least 30 pounds. And max out at 150.

It will be hard, but I'm a tough guy I can take it.

Going to spend my days in the library studying spanish. You got to have language skills in this society. And ultimately you're competing against people who have language skills at work so you show up with only one language and they can speak 5.... who are they going to hire?

Hopefully there's ASS at the library. Sometimes you get ass sometimes ya don't.

That's life in general. It's not bad to grow older because then life becomes a CANDY STORE. Everywhere you go there's ASS.

And it's not bad at all. Only problem is getting your dick into it. Strange that we live in a world now where girls are whipping out their titties and showing off tons of ass on a daily basis, but GOD FORBID you get some..

security job

Here we go again. Continuing to hunt for a job after losing TSA. Safe to say despite being qualified for Customs, they're not going to contact me. Not the end of the world... just going to get a little job near by. Best Buy, Toys R Us. Whatever...

I hate jobs. I wish I could live without it that's for sure...

Got my Security guard license now so I can apply for a job as Security. They do alright, not bad. If you work for rich white people you'll be set for life. So I'm hoping to get my black ass into a job working for rich motherfucking white folks who got money to burn.

Then I'll all good. Get an aprtment. Fucking live like a King.... you'll see...

Gravity

Just watched this movie. Fittin to go see it in 3D. THIS is a great little movie for kids or whoever.

And it's got ASS in it.

If you're going to cast a hot white girl, you better put ASS on screen.

And Goddamn, GOD BLESS YOU Sandra Bullock, for staying in shape at 49 years old.

I wanted to fuck the crap out of you while watching this movie. Goddamn she's gorgeous.

White Women, best thing on this planet. 49 and she looks 30. How does she do it?

They got the best stuff, white people. Don't they...

Never really thought about it, but yeah, they don't live like black people.

Finishing Static

Going to finish this goddamn thing hook or by crook...

I realize some out there are wondering why the blue fuck is this guy making a static shock fan film.

Well? Why not? You all are making porn. No lack of that... And because it's cool. I like static shock, grew up on the show. I like Star wars, grew up on that. I like spielberg movies, grew up on that. So I want to make movies too. It's like not even hard to figure out.

The shit that you see and experience as a kid is what you end up doing most likely when you're older.

Here's all the stuff that needs to get done.

Need to grow my hair out so that I look like Static

Then we need to get shots of me walking around and stuff.

More shots of static falling and shit.

Then the real fun begins. I always intended to get HUGE as a kid, so now I know how to do it. So I'm going to put myself through rigorous training to build my muscles. Going to need to shock the muscles so they don't get used to the same routine. Similar to Mark Walberg for Pain and Gain, gotta give it up to my nigga he got shredded for that film.

I'm going to get MASSIVE. Biggest I've ever been.  I'm a little fucking twig. I go to the gym and there are guys there who look like fucking tanks.

Embarrassing to say the least...

Not saying I want to get ridigulous like that bodybuilder airforce guy, but I WILL beyond a shred of doubt get ripped.

Then I'm going to grab some ass and fuck ASS. White girl ass.

Full scale water detox

I like being me, always finding smart ways to enhance the body and stuff...

I'm declaring today that I will not quit on a 30 day water detox.

Going to drink nothing but water for 30 full days.

It's going to be hell.

I've been trying to get this diet going for the last few days and all I've ever done is eat and jack off to satiate myself during the constant cravings.
If I just had something to do I'd be cool. Hell, yunno what I'm going to do. I'm going to study spanish and, nah no need to continue learning after effects. I'm good enough with that shit. but I do have to continue improving myself in order to get better jobs than the shit I usually get. I can get manual labor jobs any day. It's the tech stuff that I hope to get into.

I just typed this without looking at the keyboard. That's a hard skill a lot of people don't have, but I took the time as a kid to learn how to type. And that's the name of the game really. These jobs are looking for people who know specific skills. Photoshop, After Effects, programming.... And I'm no fucking good at that shit yet. But if I put my mind to it, I know I can do it. And I don't have kids, and I'm free, just wathcing tons and tons of porn.

Porn is amazing. It's just kinda strange to have been a kid once sitting back watching cartoons and then now you're looking at a chick eating dick with her ass hole. It's a strange twisting of perspectives....

Is that RIGHT. Is that NORMAL. I can imagine that we as people are just doing what is supposed to be done.... but that's not the world i come from. We were taught to believe in GOD and were taught squat SHIT about sex and all that shit. Mind you, one day you're 14 or whatever and you see some ass and you have a wet dream. After that you end up 27 with a bunch of people getting personal with you about YOUR potential to spawn kids even though you don't know anything about that because this shitty society doesn't give you a clue about it.

So you may think, oh this guy's going to have a horrible time as a parent one day. But All I can say is that I don't know a DAMN THING about girls and pussy and kids. So what the fuck.... there's no like actual shit like that going on here. And I like it that way. Problem is I can't shut the fucking fountain of semen off no matter what I do....

I hope that it dies down eventually but I read about guys in their 50s who are still pumping tons of semen like nobody's business so I'm kinda not hopeful in that regard. If you want this shit, this sex drive? You can have it.

I'd LOVE nothing more than to go back to being a fucking kid. Not having to go to school, but to just relax and not worry about anything would be wonderful.

Thinking about Ass and Asstronomy

Can't get females out of my head. Every fucking day I want to do some damn dirty things to a female. Shit... it's like how I envisioned and ultimately created an entire like big ass porn comic back in high school.

Shit. Still got the urge unfortunately.

Which isn't too bad. problem is, even IF I create the comics all over again. It will just be sitting around being pointless.

So I best to devote my creative energies to other things specifically my Astronomy Show.

Doesn't matter though. I WILL inevitably finish my Ronda Comics. I HAVE TO. I suppose it's OCD. I do indeed have OCD to some fucking degree. I can't let shit go. It has to be RIGHT.

Never knew that adulthood was simply being horny all day. Always dreaming of sucking a tit all day.

That's just fucked up....

It's torture.

life of a mulatto

Well I can tell ya it's very complicated.

I think to myself, No, just not think about it. Not look at White girls as unattainable. Not look down on Jet Black people.

Not think of myself as some kind of super human for having multiple genetic origins.

But it's undeniable. I never really respected the fact that I have white genetics until now because the older I get, the MORE white I start to look. It's like my white side is breaking through my black side...


I'm not alone either... We're a group of people in this world. Blacks who have white genetics inside.

She's definitely a girl I can identify with.

It's hard to figure out where you stand, that's the real problem. You will be HATED by BOTH blacks and whites at the same time. You don't age the same as other races. People will think you're a kid even though you're grown. And it's a hard life to live. Simply being white and white alone would make all those problems disappear...

Then comes the REAL issue. The biggest issue. Who ya gonna fuck?

That's all there is to life.... yep. All those hopes, aspirations, all that shit, MEANINGLESS. There is NOTHING more to life but pounding ASS.

And that's the true tragedy of being born mulatto. You will have a goddamn mountain to climb to get some ass. Nobody wants to turn black. Yeah you got some insane white people in this world who love blacks for whatever fucked up reason, but in general, no. What beautiful sexy blue eyed blonde white girl is intending to have black children one day? Not many...

Now it's not the end of the universe... Just find another mulatto. Fuck her. That's NOT GONNA HAPPEN EITHER. If a black girl is born NOT looking black. Her full intention in life is to get a white guy... I'm talking some fugly fat white guy... Cuz then she gonna have better chance in this world next generation.

thoughts on girls part 2

Looking at this hot chick doing shit:

beautiful sight. Thank GOD white girls are so fucking freaky these days. I want to fuck the shit out of this girl.

Not gonna lie...

It's like this yall. It's funny to be a man who cares for females when females don't give a damn about YOU. Sad to say, but a man can love a woman upside down and sideways she will NEVER return the favor. Women are all about themselves. Period.

It's on YOU to control the bitch. I realize that now. I was raised by women, I was taught to respect women, but women want NOTHING more than to be controlled and dominated.

Little bit of wisdom for any youth out there.

Ketogenic diet progress and Finishing the Static movie

Here's what's going on now in my life.

I'm going to go as far as humanly possible on the ketogenic diet. I realize now that all these celebrities you see who look really thin are all on some kind of ketogenic diet. Lucky for me that I too have figured it out. If I have to get older I'd prefer to do so with my original lanky frame.

And it helps to look younger if you're making movies and stuff I can imagine. Like Justin Chatwin for Dragonball. He's been doing ketogenics no doubt for a long time because it's the only way he could continue to play high school age characters.

I honestly could audition for a role is a high school kid and probably get it. I do not look fucking 27 at all.

And I suppose it's fate, or genetics, or whatver it is, but lucky for me I can keep feeling like I'm just a young punk and not an old fart yet. Although I go to the basketball court and kids there look at me as some kind of teacher or some shit.

Which I'm not.. I get it now. Most adults in this world are not different from who they were as kids. It's just a mask.

New clothes you're forced to wear. All the equipment works just the same. You shit, you eat, and you want to fuck. But you're in your 30s...

Fascinating. I try to think about how much I've changed since high school. And the only thing I can honestly say is different is that jacking off doesn't feel as AWESOME as it used to. And now we have politics to worry about vs back then when I didn't know what politics was...

Oh well.... No big deal. Going to live nice and peaceful I tell ya. You'll see. I know, fucking kkk wants to go to war with me. But it's like going to war with a little shitty speck of dust. It would be meaningless...

The Hard Way

Just jacked off 2 times.

To this girl:



I love her, she's exactly who I'd like to bone at some point. I like a girl who looks like she's strong. And she's basically Me but female.

Too bad huh. I'll be honest as much as I want to pounce on every hot girl in this world I won't.

I decided waaaaaaaay back in grade school that I was going to be DIFFERENT.

I was going to do things HARD. I was going to become STRONG.

problem is like I said before, my sex drive is BIGGER than me. I can hope and pray and battle it till I'm completely spent. I will STILL jack off.

Doesn't mean I won't try though. I'm going to go on a month long water fast. Consider it a religious thing.

No food and no jacking off to big tittied white girls for a whole month.


A whole month.

I'm going to want to quit but If I get through this, I'll feel like I've achieved godhood.

I mean nothing will bother me after this.

I'm bothered by everything. The inability to quit jacking off. The world, politics, living as a black in a white world. And yeah white people generally wouldn't bat an eye if I fell off the face of the planet.

That's the thing. What are YOU here for anymore now that your childhood is over. I'm still trying to figure that out honestly.

I think I'm here in this world to be like NOTHING. I don't understand why everybody is thinking you have to become the next black leader or some shit. I've always thought, I'd do NOTHING. And yeah I feel bad about maybe the fact being that I'll not accomplish great things. But That doesn't bother me. I always said to myself, I'll do NOTHING. I'll just do NOTHING. Not going to go be no hero or nothing.

..... it's ok with me. Yeah I always wanted to join the military become a pilot all that stuff. But fuck. All the shit I've gotten into. It's over...

But I'd feel bad about it if I was white. A white guy failing to achieve greatness with his life is some kind of tragedy. A black guy failing to reach the top of the mountain in this world is just another day...

More thoughts on the Astronomy Program

I'm going to lay out my plan for the show.

I hope you like it. It will be a great fun thing for me to create as an artist.

I honestly believe that you should never grow up. I think whatever you liked to do as a kid, you should keep doing it. If you liked playing with toys and shit, become a toy maker, or a story teller in some way. Then you're still playing with toys on a larger scale.

Well here we go...

Kids don't have much understanding of how the universe functions. They need to be educated on why the weather is the way it is. Why Gravity exist. I want to fully capture the full spectrum of how exactly the solar system functions.

I'm not saying that I'm an expert in this stuff. But I've been into Astronmy since FIRST grade. And here I stand today 27 years old, and nothing's changed. I'll go on for hours about my passion for Astro Physics.  Give me a book on Time Travel and I'm GOOD.

I still believe in God though. I'm well aware of a dude like Richard Dawkins who is completely against religion. But we still don't know the bigger questions about this universe to this day. And GOD is the only real tangible way of making sense of the Singularity.

I mean it's complicated stuff. Beyond the infinite, but I ain't scared of studying and ultimately crrafting a show around something I LOVE which is Astronomy.

I looked at the stars from my bedroom window as a kid all the time. I loved watching movies about space and shit like Armaggedon and like anything and everything that had to do with Space.

It's so beautiful the stars.

Continued work on the Astronomy Show

I'd love to make this "my" version of Bill Nye the Science guy. Problem is that Bill Nye is a real fucking scientist. He even looks down on his work on Bill Nye. It was kids toy to him.

There are Extremely intelligent people in this world. I'm smart, but there are people who can glance at a page and record every single word on it in their memory FOREVER. That I cannot do. I wish I could.

But whatever that doesn't mean my life is OVER. It does to them.

Mensa people don't view the rest of us as human beings. We are THINGS. They have their interests, space exploration, war, whatever they want to do. Look around you. All these technologies they created it. All you need to do is have a good grasp of science, chemistry, physics, and you are basically a GOD.

I don't want to deal with them. I don't know why I have to sit and be bombarded by some super intellectual asshole.

But that's the real world. Someone bigger and smarter than you will kick your ass.

 Even if you are still young and trying to learn how to fucking walk.

But the law says 18 you're out the house and fully grown and shit's over for you. If you die, you die.


I don't know what to think about that. When you look at it, it's sucks for me personally because you're pointing a finger at me and saying oh you can't hack the real world. When truth is that this world wasn't made for me. Blacks are not really the most desirable people in this world.

So I know that. I woke up one day and it hit me, I am a black guy 27 years old in a world that is ruled by very smart white men.

And if I die, who cares? Nobody.... so I honestly don't care much about this world. I can only say that I want everything to go well and everyone gets what they want out of life before its over. Yunno. I hate when I'm at work and I'm being treated like I'm one of those black guys who's gonna come flying in and fucking up everything. Yeah I have that side of me, but no, I honestly just want everything to go smoothly throughout the day. You don't need to be thinking in your head, omg what is this black guy going to do to fuck up my day.

And that's what's going on in white people's heads. They're wondering ok, I'm sitting next to this black guy. What is he going to do to fuck things up.

One day, I saved a flight at delta. ME a black guy. I SAVED a flight full of white poople who hate my guts. I FUCKING SAVED that flight. They would have had to stay behind in NY and not make it to their destination if my black ass didn't save that flight. I did that twice.

Yet my Black supervisor, as soon as I tell him I did a good deed for white folk, he SHITS on me. Wow, there ya go. You as a black person can go running into a burning building full of white kids and save every last one of them and the world will shrug.

Like Garcia at Delta. I'm going make one thing clear to you racist white people out there. It WILL come back to bite you. You may think all DAY that you're infallible, but when that moment comes and YOU fuck it up. Who ya gonna call? This shit actually happened. That girl I worked with she is SMARTER than me. She has a photo memory. She knows EVERYTHING. There's nothing I can say to her that would impress her. ONE DAY we're working together and SHE fucks up. We're not playing in kindergarten. HER genius ass FUCKED UP. And yet even after I correct all her mistakes and make it clear that maybe you should have a smidge of humility, the bitch continues to pretend that she can do no wrong at all.

I DO NOT want to EVER fly on an aircraft someone like that is working on....

Homo butt sex

Thinking about it... Not that I want to try ass fucking. No, but I'm thinking about what it means to be amongst a crazy political situation that is the homosexual thing.

It's  a medical issue really when you get down to it. Those people are born with wires crossed, simple as that. Nothing you me or nobody can do about it.

I think to myself, not my problem. Let those people live their lives and leave me out of it. That's all.

But fucked up scenario really to be a black heterosexual. You may intend to spread your seed to the world and fuck the crap out of all kinds of girls, but that doesn't mean SHIT in the end because EVERYBODY FUCKING HATES BLACK PEOPLE.

I never thought about it, but when you watch movies as a kid, there are like NO black people in the movie. It's a part of my personality to have grown up in the 90s watching tons of movies about white people and white people's problems yet NEVER seeing anything about the world I come from.

And ultimately it's just because white people as good and open minded as they are are not inclined to want to watch black people doing ANYTHING at all for long stretches of time.

Something like Family Matters was truly a FLUKE that will NEVER happen again. I have to own up to he fact that some how some way I grew up watching a show that will NEVER happen ever again.

Let me just say this. I'm a 90s kid. Being a 90s kid meant that you had an AWESOME life. The music was great, the sports was great, the tv was great. And EVERYTHING was about the lives of heterosexuals.

So to be like going around anywhere and saying "I don't particularly feel like that gay stuff is any good." and have  dude shit on you for it, is really fucked up.

I look at a hot ass girl and I want to fucking grab her ass and slide my dick deep into her body. What the fuck? That's ALL SHE WROTE as far as my personality goes. It's so annoying to have people trying to start a debate with you on the merits of ASS FUCKING when you have nothing to do with that shit. You just want to be a normal dude and get a goddamn girlfriend and maybe even start a family...

but apparently people like pounding ASS. That's just not going to happen, pal. I want to at least ONCE in my little insignificant life fuck a bitch.

I've earned that, I've done everything the white man's world has asked of me, and yet they fuck night and day till they're blue in the face, and all I do is watch tons of porn like some fucktard little kid who just discovered girls.

Heh, I don't know. Maybe this is God's plan. You have to look at things that way. I'm a man of God. I do what HE wants me to do. It's not even a question to me. It's about who we are as human beings as a collective. As a unit. And we are people of faith, and love, and peace and all that's good and green in this world.

It's too bad that oh you're born in the wrong skin, that that's all you are in the end. That a bunch of knucklehead white guys are going to be running around prancing around on top of your face because you're not white?

But damn, that's what life is for me. I don't really give a damn, and neither do they. White people are no fucking different... I got to say. One thing I discovered is that EVERYTHING I've ever done or felt or experienced, WHITE people have been doing it for eons. Sexual urges. The whole artistic experiences. NOTHING I can do or say is NEW to white people.... smart white people I should say. I've met podunk straight out of the goddamn redneck area white people and they're fascinating... Imagine being white but having a black atittude. That is remarkable.

ass

saw this chick on the subway. All I could fucking think about was sliding my dick deep in her ass.

She had ASS. Goddamn she had ASS.

Another bitch, white girl. goddamn. All I could think about was putting my dick in her mouth.

FUCK what a life to live...

The things I can do and the things I can't

Well life is a funny thing, it really is. Well I got to say It's been a fun life. I will die some day, no doubt. The things I try to understand from here forward is what is it that is my purpose in this world. There's a lot less racism these days but due to the fact that our lives are limited, and of course the fact that life is not fair, black people are ALWAYS going to be Cattle.

it's just the way life goes. Of course the claim is being made that there is no racism anymore, it's just that the smartest and strongest people are the ones who are in charge. But no, there is never going to be a time to come when every white person intends to turn black.

I think about who I am as a White/Black person. This really fucking makes my life harder because I don't know where to stand. I exist in two worlds. My white side makes me think, I should have some kind of good shit in this world. But the Black side of me knows that that will NEVER happen.

But not all is lost. I can tell you this. I grew up being very much in love with art, technology, and of course anything intelligent. I can't really stand being told I'm not smart because that's my whole fucking life, it sucks to be called this and that but being a black nerd is extremely complicated. You are expected to be all kinds of things and then theres just yunno white people hate you black people hate you because you're not black enough. I don't know, life is a fucking mess for a black nerd. It's like even IF you present yourself as some kind of smart guy, someone will try to make you look stupid.

You know WHO I am? I'm superman. I'm Jesus. I'm the guy who's going to do the RIGHT thing. When people are intending to do the wrong. I'm a hero.

I'm an AIRMAN. Or at least I try to be. WTF, yunno. WTF. It's a different world.... I think to myself, why not go back to college and shit. I don't know... I never even BEGUN to think about like, what it would mean to be an adult. Honestly I don't know if I am one yet. Maybe when you fuck a bitch you become one?

You shouldn't have to join the military to get laid, but they don't care. They'll use that as an incentive in the end. I think, OK, just go to university and fuck all the young college girls or something. Heh, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Goddamn it's not going to happen is it. Getting pussy. It's too late. I don't even care anymore. I see mad like teenage girls still. Ready ripe to get fucked.

I wouldn't mind getting some of that but it's against the law. Whole fucking goddam atomic bomb of shit is going to come crashing down on my black ass if I go anywhere near a hot young teenage bitch.

Shit, actually ANYTHING I do is going cause a mountain of crap to explode on me. Very SMART White men in this world are ready to kick my ass.

I think to myself, FUCK IT, Let's go to war... I really do. You want to start shit with me you're gonna get it, I'm not going down easy.

but I just hope to get fucking goddamn laid. That's not too much to ask? Problem is, people don't give a damn, they'll kill you just because they're fucked in the head.

Steven Spielberg

I think he's truly a brilliant director beyond the ordinary. I could see why he's very much a well respected director. No kubrick, no Scorcese, not necessarily a truly deep complex filmmaker. A lot of thought has been generated about his somewhat capricious tendencies. What I mean is that he can make a movie that caters to the masses as well as a small cerebral film. Typically though and this is what I like about Spielberg is that every movie he makes is intelligent. Period.

It's the old Superman REturns vs Man of Steel or the HULK VS Incredible Hulk thing...

I am like saying "I'd like movies to make you have to think and figure out the meaning of the story and stuff like that" but then there's people saying, No, better that the film is just a big dumbass movie.

I fucking gotta say I'm not a fan of politics. It's a necessary evil. What kind of a society would this be if it was ruled by a single person's view points. It wouldn't be good for business. I mean it's what we're pretending to be anyway. When you get down to it, this country and the world is ruled by very powerful white people. And the rest of us just sit in a corner and watch them have their fun.

I wonder to myself if maybe I can put forth any kind of artistic shit to the world in a world like this. I don't know. Me personally, I'll be honest. I don't have much intentions with my life now except to pounds some ass at some point.

It's like, wow, how do you have no opportunities to do what we're supposed to do as people. But maybe I'm stronger than normal people because I'm probably going to die a virgin.

But hey, I'll be the first. No not true. There are people who are severely disfigured in this world who will never get fucked. It's a funny thing. It's like, I might complain, I can't get laid. And then someone will argue the point, well some people don't have a sex drive anyway yet they live their lives rather contentedly anyway.

I don't know the full spectrum here, I can only hope that at some point I get my mouth full of titties and my dick deep in a girl's butt hole. I don't want to fuck pussy. I really don't. I want to fuck ass. I've always dreamed of fucking the ass, and these days girls are like totally into it. So why not really.

Um... yeah that's all I got to say. I'm a huge Spielberg Fan because he's a brilliant director. I know good art and he makes good fucking art. I hate when a director comes along and just makes whatever shit is on the page or whatever. And it's just lame. But spierlberg is the shit. He's like a Titan, in the art world.

controlling the body

Lets take a look at something really quick besides my continued work on my Astronomy TV show...

Here's a picture of a woman named Jelena Jensen:

God bless white women. They have no problems displaying their god given talents to millions of black youth across america. I don't know what's going on in her life that she's decided to be a porn star but doesn't matter to me, not that I give a shit.

It's just like, to me personally, I'm glad that girls like her whip em out because it fullfills my personal fantasies. She looks exactly like my Ronda character, spitting image. And apparently girls like her are fucking freaks although I don't have much experience with white girls. But I suppose they're horny fucks deep down underneath all the racial superiority. I don't know. It's like, I don't even think about it. I just think oh she's ready to give birth. And that's what she wants. And of course she's making that clear without having to open her fucking mouth and spill out the words "fuck me." I hate to think OH girls are stupid. But there's no getting around it, girls are RREEEEALLY STUPID.

But anyway the point of the pictures is to show you her body and point out what's going on fitness wise. She's definitely a little chubby and not trying to slim down much and it works for her. See the fat kinda bubbling up on the hips there and of course her breasts are plump as can be... but that's ideal in the end really. Who the fuck wants a girl to be completely skinny without any kind of cushion or titties.

But my goal is to completely remove all body fat at this point. It's going to take months of intense dieting to get slim. But I know how to do it thanks to google, not college. Funny world yunno, everyone is up your ass about going to university but goddamn if you get any clue about how to slim down and optimize your body's functioning. You know what I think, the internet is better than college. You'll find a shit load of psychopahts on here. It's the wild west, there's no law. But overall, you'll find little golden nuggets of information about what's right and good for you. And that's how I've been doing things. if you have trouble sleeping, lower your blood sugar and you'll get more sleep. There's a whole article on http://www.polyphasicsociety.com/polyphasic-sleep/beginners/sleep-nutrition/ about how low blood sugar helps you get deeper sleep and it's the fucking truth. I stopped eating and just drank water and I slept long and deep like a kid. It was glorious.

Take a look at my youtube page, you'll notice i've lost a ton of weight. I'm down to 182 pounds right now and I'm still fucking fat as fuck. I WAS NEVER fat as a kid. EVER. So it's dissappointing to get to 27 and be a fat fuck but I guess me and Raven Symone have something in common beyond both being mullatto negros. We got fat and now we're both slimming down. I love that bitch by the way. Grew up with her side by side even though she doesn't know it. Her and the Olsen Twins though I probably don't have a chance in hell of fucking those bitches. Ugh, childhood, not all that, but way better than being a horny shit adult...

Further thoughts on the Astronomy show

I'm going to lay out the subjects that I'll be covering in my new show on Astronomy.

I know I get like about 5 views on this blog every post or so. I don't know who's reading this shit nor do I care really. That's immaterial. I only want to get these projects completed as soon as I can.

 First of course is Einstein's theory of relativity. We'll delve deeply into that.

We're going to explore the full scope of how the GPS system works and all that. It's rather interesting to me to see just how far the military goes in their operations. They really are FUCKING intense. They have to find every single bit of space debris floating around in the atmosphere and identify it so that they know EXACTLY where every piece of space garbage is as they send stuff up into space for their missions. I never would have thought that they'd do something like that but that's how far they go, there's no half assing anything in there and I respect that.

We'll talk about how the seasons work.

The 6 wave lengths on the electromagnetic spectrum we'll cover.

Lastly uh, dunno really. I don't need to explain why pluto is no longer a planet. I'll just prettymuch lay out the planets we do have and then we'll forge forward with a little something on the variety of planets what makes each of them distinct. That should do er...

What am I gonna name the show. I'll call it "To Infinity and Beyond!" Yeah that'll work..

I gotta say this is really exciting to me. That I'm doing what I love to do which is explore educational subjects, which makes me wonder why people are so hung up on sex this and sex that... I want to explore science and physics and astronomy, but the subject of sex is something that is still foreign to me. I don't know anything about that shit. 

So I don't dwell on it really. What we're going to get into is the I think really fun stuff for kids. At least a kid who's got a brain in his head. I meet too many fucking retards.

Getting old

I'm 27 years old now. But I honestly got to say it's not the end of the world like I thought it was going to be.

I've hit on how to lose weight now. Problem is, I should have learned this back at around 16 or at least 19, not 27.

This is a rough age. It really is. Especially if you're still trying to get your dick in a girl. I never would have even begun to conceptualize that I'd have so much drama in my life at this age, but we live in the digital era now. Which means that EVERYBODY KNOWS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much about someone elses life. And that's the problem.

You can't be up someones ass 24/7 like that. We all grew up not knowing what was going on in our neighbor's house. Or even better, we all prettymuch grew up not even having instant gratification in general. We had to be patient.

That's why I'm the way I am. I grew up in the non-digital age. I had to sit and read for hours. Contemplate deep subjects for school all day. I had to wait for the internet to get through the dial up process. I come from a time when you had to build a thick hide and grit your teeth and take the hard hits in life. Now we live in a really fast paced, "I want it done yesturday." Thin skinned little pussy shit of a world. Where you got people trying to follow you till the day you die because you hurt their little feelings... oohh nooesss....

Yeah, tough shit, motherfuckers... Get the fuck over it. It's a funny thing to go online and have some douche bag bully you and shit and He's thinking in his head that he's pushing someone around who's just this little nothing of a guy. Then the truth is, I'm not this little dinky dork of a guy really. I've been into fitness and gymnastics and I worked my ass off in school so I've got a decent mind on my shoulders. So that's the issue I have is that it's kinda like really annoying to constantly have people trying to belittle me, when I'm a tough son of a bitch. I've been through hell in my life, and came out the other end through pure iron will. So to have assholes trying to make me out to be this little wimp who can't hack the hard stuff, is very disrespectful. I'm not asking people to bow down before my greatness. But to completely ignore the fact that I'm not this complete shrimp who doesn't have any kind of toughness at all is absolutely unbelievable to me.

But no, Rocky's right. Just watch that scene in Rocky balboa.



It's the damn truth. I never really thought about it much but it's true. You will get beat by people in this world no matter how good you are or strong. People will try to shit on you. And it's a strange bedfellow.

Ultimately the world is like this because it's how business gets done. Don't be nice, it's not about being nice. It's about getting things and operations done, fast, efficiently, and smoothly. It's military.

The Look, the subject matter

Ok here we go. I hope this goes down as well as I hope.

Like I said, I've been a space nut all my life. I know WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much about Astronomy, more than people typically know and therefore I think I can probably spread some of my knowledge to the masses.

What do I know?

Well like I said I study physics and Astronomy for fun and I've learned some good shit.

I know what Perihelion is, Aphelion. Those are the furthest and closest points to the sun during a planetary objects orbit.

Well, I know there are 2 types of Supernovas. The difference between them is primarily the existence of hydrogen, which is detectable by Hydrogen spectral lines. These are rays of light which are given off by certain atoms which are detectable by Astronomers. Deep level shit that I can't even begin to understand. Go to MIT and learn that shit, kids...

Really The first topic I'll cover is Einsteins two theories on Relativity and what the fuck those were about. Because he made 2 of them on in 1905 and the other in 1915 if my memory is correct. The first being the Special Theory of Relativity. The second being the General. We'll cover both these in full in my first Video on the subject. What is Relativity, what fuck is einstein saying about the laws of space and time really... That's a goddamn good question. Well it simply postulates that the speed of light is constant. Space is equal to Time and are inseparable. And the velocity determines the mass of an object relative to the observer.

On to more interesting things. I'm going to design my look for the show. I want to grow my hair out and look like Doc Brown really if I had it my way. But I don't have hair right now. So by the time I start making this shit, I'll have short hair like a lesbian, but whatever. I'm going to look like that steve guy from blues clues only not a fag like he was.

Reorginizing the Blog

I'm going to change things from here forward. Like I said, I want to get into my passion in life, Aviation, Astronomy, Astro Physics. So from here forward I'll use the blog to detail the multiple topics I'll be covering in my new little Youtube show on Astronomy.

I want to teach kids about how the world works, and all that shit because I was taught how this shit works as a kid and I'd love to pass it on to the next generation in the same way just as those very good individuals did for me. I thank them emphatically for what they did for me as a child. Uh, it was a monumental experience to be a kid and then have people on tv like actually discussing things you find interesting and that's what kids are doing these days.

They're browsing the web constantly looking for shit that interest them. You may not like the fact that the internet is primarily occupied by children, but there's no getting around it. That's how I started. I began using the internet at 12 years old to look up a shit ton of things. Which is why it saddens me that OH I'm this bad guy online now. I've been on line for 15 years. I NEVER had any problems until OH let's tear this guy apart shit happened. And yunno I'm a veteran of the internet so I know how it works by now. I know that there are psychopaths just sitting around online, I'm not intimidated by them. I know that there's a lot of good that can come of the internet if we works together and educate each other and all that good stuff. So No, I'm not deterred by anything really since I've been online a fucking long time...it's my life to some degree. And we'll make something out of it in the end.

I meet kids at the ball park. I really think it's up my alley to be some kind of educator to kids. And it would please me greatly to help a child to learn a lot more about life than I ever did. So we'll find a way to pass on the lessons I've learned.

I don't know who's going to care, but I hope some point, the show gets watched. I know a lot of people are making youtube shows now and that's really the new TV when you get down to it. It's interesting to see how life has changed as people now have carte blanch to create whatever they want and braodcast it to the masses. Of course that's lead to a lot of ass fucking being shown to millions of kids across the world. But.. there's people who are doing other kind of shit for kids to watch too... And that's where I come in. I'm going to make a show that's going to be really awesome for kids. You bet your ass. It's going to be really like Sesame Street but not as gay in the end.

Ugh children. I like them and all, but they're assholes sometimes ugh, whatever...

Getting in Shape

It's frustrating...

But at the same time exciting.

I'm on the yogurt diet now. Which is basically the same as the ketogenic diet, but with just eating yogurt all day.

Trying to quit jacking off but it's HARD. It's like, trying to quit fucking breathing, man. I wish I knew how to quit this SHIT. People just apparently slam ass every fucking day in this world. News to me...

It's so horrible that we're thrust into this life, and then it's pretty decent and then BOOM it's like all you want to do is fuck till the cows come home. What the fuck...

UGh......... alright, going to get my body THIN. That's all I want to do in my life now. I've always known I had a very thin physique . Unfortunately I didn't know how to maintain it until now.

So it's like, going to be a loooooooooong process to return my body to its original state of being very thin like I was in high school and of course years before that.

My body is an amazing thing. Even when I'm overweight, it remains very lean. You'll see it on my youtube page. Videos from years ago when I was really overweight , I still looked pretty thin. That's because I was born that way. I'm a skinny body type. But fuck me, I ruined myself with too much food.

I implore you guys out there, who are growing up and are younger than me to watch what you eat. It's not going to last, all that nice ripe young teenage body you got. It's like, once you hit around 19 your shits going to start looking a lot less sexy.

Aicraft electric wheels

Looks like they finally decided to make planes with Motors in the wheels. This will be HUGE for airlines. Not only the savings, but the real issue a lot of the time as you marshal in an aircraft is usually the pilot having to push the engines to keep the plane moving towards the stopping mark. And if he overshoots the mark, he overshoots the mark. Another problem that actually happened is that a pilot didn't set his brakes, and the plane went crashing into the side of the terminal.

Don't know if it will eliminate pushback tugs all together. Probably not since having a pilot try to maneuver a plane backwards is not the best idea. But considering the amount of bullshit that has to go on to get a plane pushed back from a gate, I wouldn't put it past the airlines to try to eliminate having that shit go on...

But yeah they're trying to not use the engines anymore to get the planes to the runway and that will be monumental. So after a pilot lands now, he'll completely shut off the engine and just drive the plane like a car.

Great stuff... I always thought "wtf" why don't they just have planes have some kind of drive system like an electric car since it always seemed stupid to me that the plane uses the engines to drive itself forward and ultimately that means it can't ever reverse yunno..

but bigger brains than mine are behind this stuff.

It's like, really when you think about it, it's all about cost savings. Airlines used to pay out through the ass to create a truly luxorious experience for the passenger and that typcially meant that every aspect of the service was top of the line, pristine , emaculate. Now of course they're just running it like a business. And that means that if they can save money doing things cheaper, they'll save momey. And that means like for instance, they used to have motorized carpets inside the belly to truly make life easier for the baggage handler. Now they've gotten rid of those because it was costly to put those in aircraft I guess.

Oh well on the other side of the tracks. I've bought a water cooler now and I have a constant supply of fresh ice cold water all day. This is awesome. I like being me, always coming up with ways to make life better for myself...

So clever... Damn though went to flushing for the Airserv interview, gotta say there are some fucking HOT asian women in this world. Goddddddddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaamn.... Asians are fucking ridiculous. Yunno, just ooozing the sexiness. Saw this bitch and she just looked like fucking angel from heaven, body was built fucking ready to give some fucking birth bitch. She looked like a goddamn tank of ASS and TITTIES. Shit... wanted to do all kinds of shit to her ass...

ugh.

New project announcement...

One of the great things about Youtube at least in my experience with it beyond the multitude of nonsense, there's actually a group of people dedicated to putting up educational and informative videos that help people like myself learn how to use shit like after effects etc.

One of the things I'm personally most appreciative of in my life is that there have been many classy fucking people in this world dedicating their time to crafting really amazing educational programs which I've always enjoyed throughout my life.

It is what it is. Sadly I'm here, today a lesser person, but that doesn't downplay the extraordinary things I've witnessed as I grew up.

Like for instance, the astronaut show. I don't know if it was star gazers or whatever but some show came on all the time back around the time Apollo 13 came out and it made sense I suppose. Since they knew a crop of us kids were going to be space nuts after seeing that movie, they put shows on the air about space and astronomy.

So that's where my interest in the subject was born. And I still cling to it.

Well anyway, my plan is to actually create my own Astronomy show on youtube. Similar to the Bill Nye show I guess or Beakman's world. All I intend to do is to explore the multitude of complex subjects within the world of Astro Physics.

I suppose it's fate. My father was an Aircraft Engineer in the USAF. I too have his interest in Space, Aviation, and Astronomy. It's an interesting thing, to be a person who's just I suppose predestined towards a certain type of life.

It keeps me fucking sane, that's all I got to say on that. I'm getting lost in life. Life makes no sense to me now. I don't know what the fuck I'm here for anymore, I really don't. But things like this creating educational shit, really helps me get my head on straight.

If you REALLY wanted to know who I was, you wouldn't look at a forum. You'd look at a kid sitting down watching PBS and enjoying a program about Astronomy.

THAT'S who I am. I'm fucking goddamn nerd. That's all I've ever been. I don't understand why I have to suddenly change into something else now, yunno.

Fucked up thing too to be a nerdy guy. I can't even shut my brain off. It's constantly trying to calculate things. It's so fucking insane, I hate it...

God's will

I sit here thinking about life and how crazy life is. How people are and how they treat blacks and stuff. And I'm just overwhelmed by it. I don't know how to make sense of this world. It's rough stuff.

I am not really fully prepared for the rigors of life yet... but I'm 27 years old. I can die in combat. I can do all kinds of things and there's no real sympathy for me because I'm well beyond being a kid although I'm still a virgin.

Turns out that there's some politcal shit going on about losing virginity and when it should be done or shit.

I don't care. I just want to experience sex before I get way too old.

Hard to say to people, I would like to fuck a bitch, and then you got some asshole jumping out of the bushes and telling you no, you have to get married first or some shit.

Fuck that noise...

I can pull up video right now of some chick getting slammed in her ass and eating dick, what part of that looks like marriage?

But that's actually the real world. People are insane and will tell you to do something stupid with full seriousness. Yep.

I'm not going to be moved, son. No way. I'm a real man. I love girls. I want to just work a job, go home fuck my girl, that's it. I don't care what kind of bullshit you're trying to pull.

In the mean time though. I'm going to finish my projects that I'm working on. Sadly I don't know who my audience is. Nor do I care. I just believe in working hard on my personal projects and getting them completed.

I don't care about who's after me. I don't care about getting a normal life going. I don't care if people want to kill me either. None of that bothers me.

The only thing I care about is finishing my work. I'm who I am. They say it's called genius. I don't honestly want to put myself on that level. I just know that there's things I can do, so I do them and put the best foot forward if possible. It's fun, I enjoy it tremendously. It means more to me than anything in the world honestly, creating a good fucking piece of art.... yunno. I feel so good when it's finished and it works and looks great. That truly satisfies me beyond anything in this world.

So hate me all day. I have my projects to finish and that's what makes me happy.

Yogurt only diet

Going to try this out, see how it works.

Here's the deal. When you do a water diet, it shuts down your digestive system. So one of the perks is that you don't have to take a shit anymore. Which is great...

Fucked up diet though, makes you feel like complete shit the whole time.

So I figure if I eat yogurt, I'll get plenty of nutrients, and still won't have to take a shit since Yogurt's just going to melt in your stomach and become a liquid and come out as piss.

This has got to work...

Molding the body and all there is is Sex

Gotta say I made the right decision. I was thinking, hmm stay on the water diet or take in some protein and try to see how effective that is in fat loss.

I can't stress enough how important protein is in fat loss. Not only does it repair broken down muscle tissue after a workout, but it releases glucagon which actually initiates the fat burning process in the body's cells. So protein is THE thing to eat if you want to burn fat.

Going to try getting ripped if possible. I'd like to look better than I do, honestly. It'd be a boon in life, and ultimately personally satisfying if I could achieve the musculature that I've dreamt of since childhood days...

Thinking about what that dude said during bmt, about how there's nothing more to life but sex. Wow, why isn't that core curriculum in school. Just basically say to every kid, yanno, all those dreams you have, all those hopes, all those expecations, don't matter. All we are here to do is fuck. And if you're a fag, sucks to be you...

I wish I was told that earlier, wouldn't have done what I thought was right and stayed away from girls because now it's like, I'm this person who's stuck between worlds. Childhood and adulthood and there's nothing I can do to change it. And it's doubly hard to be stuck in this rut, when you got a lot of people concerned with who you're personally going to end up fucking at some point.

Yanno, I don't know. I will concede that I don't really know a damn thing about sex. I masturbate like anybody does. It's no fucking secret what we do as people. All races all over the world are slamming a girl's booty and she's loving it.

Problem is, it's like you clearly see a porn star getting fucked, but out here in reality, apparently nobody is fucking, which is of course not true. All those little teenagers and of course grown men and women are fucking all day if they can. Which is strange that we're still trying to live under that 50s leave it to beaver mindset, when you can easily find videos of a girl getting her ass impaled deep by a dude's dick. Yanno... it's like, why the hell are we trying still to this day to hide kids from what they'll eventually be doing at some point... Hopefully. You want them to turn gay? Or what?

I don't know man, it's a shock to me to have this constant need for sexual release. It's like, what the fuck... and I can't say no to it. IT's BIGGER than me.

I have to bow down and say I can't beat my sex drive. I really fucking can't. I can try all day. I'll just end up jacking off again...

And that really is disappointing about life, that I just end up BOOM all I want to do is fuck, that's it? Yanno... that's so retarded it's upside down... I believe there's something more to life. Education, greater heights, whatever... I always dreamt of doing and accomplishing MORE than just fucking my wife. Yeah, I did... I always considered myself to be someone who'd break the trend.

And maybe I will... That's the glimmer of hope that I still have left, the only thing that keeps me kinda sane amidst the madness is that I AM like this kinda super-human for staying out a female's body for this long.

it makes me feel like I'm better than ordinary people, like a super hero. But what the hell, if I had some ass in front of me right now, I'd fuck the shit out of it, without a moments hesitation. One of the worst parts of my life today vs as a kid is that I cannot go ANYWHERE at all without wanting to pounce onto a hot girl's body and fuck her senseless...

It's so hard to live like this. But I think it'll turn out for the best. Man, if you have a kid to worry about 24/7, it's a different thing. Yanno. But not me. I'm just hanging around working on my static movie, ghostbusters stuff, and eventually going to get a job again and hopefully I'll have gotten this body into the shape I intend.

That's what's actually GOOD about my life now is that I've finally figured out how to lose weight and get fit. I wish schools taught this but they don't, at least black schools. I can imagine you go to a white community and they don't play. They give you the raw deal, about every way possible to optimize your body's functioning through fitness and nutrition. Yanno... you darn tootin. It must piss white people off that they give their kids the world and some of them turn out fags or some shit. But hey, if you like dick in your butt you like dick in your butt...

So what am I going to do now?

Got 3 days till the 25th, that's when they're having an open interview for Airserv. I DO NOT want to go back to working at JFK, but this company looks like easy money, and I have extensive knowledge about JFK, I should get the job, no sweat at all...

Once we do get the job, going to continue my plan as intended and use the job as a way for me to lose weight. Yep, you think I'm not smart about things, but I'll lose weight faster if I have to get off my ass and go work somewhere. I'm looking forward to working now because it'll help me shed these shitty pounds.

Just hope I get this fucking job. It's airserv. What they do is little stupid shit, directing passengers, sometimes doing the ticket booth stuff, apparently they even do some baggage handling for the airline. Definitely a shitty subcontractor, but maybe I can make that my final career after all is said and done. NO, HELL NO. What the hell am I saying?

I'm going to go to Vaughn College up there in queens while working at JFK. Get my stupid ass college education shit out of the way so I don't have to give a shit about that anymore, then fucking become a pilot. Don't know if I can weasel my way into that position after all the bullshit I've gotten into. Seems to me, I've got a fucking target on my back while I'm trying to get my life together and become a normal fucking person working 9-5 and not causing any uproar. But what else is there to do in life but fight each other day in day out... heh...

So yeah. Get a nice little shitty job. Lose weight, eat tons of protein and body build, and see about getting that pilots license. Then the fun begins and we fly planes all the live long day if possible...

Airserv

looks like I have no choice now. We're in the mix. Gonna have to get a job at Airserv for the time being until CBP gives me a call. I REALLY want to get into there. I can't understand why they're taking so long to contact me. It makes NO fucking sense whatsoever...

There's some speculation about the incident at TSA in Alabama. I get the feeling that they set me up. They knew I worked for tsa before. They knew HOW I left the organization, they knew that it wasn't a very friendly departure, and most likely they set a trap for me down there. String me along, then very slickly make me fuck up my own potential for employment. I kinda actually admire their skill in crafting such an elaborate scam. IF that's what they did. It was kinda suspect how the guy prettymuch told me to hang out next to this group of old grey haired white people OBVIOUSLY way beyond working at TSA. No doubt those guys are government agents. But FUCK ME, they spun me around in a loop. I don't understand how to get through life when I have to be concerned with being juggled around now vs as a kid where I was just going to school and not having goddamn gov agents on my ass....

Maybe they wanted me to learn that I should actually read the shit before I sign it. I don't know. Are they that diplomatic. Are they that interested in me becoming a better person some way some how. I don't know. I don't believe I'm on their good side. But they themselves declare that no matter WHO you fucking are, they'll train you. yunno.. It's the military, they'll take ANYONE and turn them into what they need for the fight. It's that simple. And I hope they want me to get a girlfriend fuck her and not all that bullshit about being a bad parent or whatever. Because it's not beneficial in any sense to tear someone down in that regard, I'd say. Just my opinion.

Shit, don't matter. Going to get my shit together. Going to slim down. I'm at 183 fucking pounds now. I NEVER knew how to shed pounds. I love that when you lose fat, you look fucking 5 years younger. It's so cool. I always knew I had very sharp facial features, but now that the fat is gone, boy oh boy do I look like a catch. Yeah baby....

I feel terrible right now. I gotta say. I put so much effort into disciplining myself and not going NUTS on 2 cramped flights down to alabama, then I waited hours upon hours to get through the night, ALL THE WHILE, I'M ON THE WATER DIET. Yep, I still am chugging along with the water thing. And I did the hard road. I wanted to eat so bad, but I told myself, we can't lose this fight, not this time. And I beat it. I didn't eat. Fucking lost 3 pounds just in those 2 days of not eating. And that's the beauty of it... So it truly hurts deep down to have lost out on getting back in TSA. I can apply again after 6 months... Maybe I will. They say now that I've got the whole thing on my record and when I apply next time, it'll be there. It's just such a fuck in the ass to have had the shit right there in front of your eyes and then, BOOM it's gone.

No big deal. I'll just hop on over to CBP. I always considered that to be where I should honestly be considering my level of intelligence, and physical ability. Problem is... they're seemingly not pursuing applicants as vigorously as last time... and that's the biggest problem I'm having is that. They were adamantly pursuing me while I was working at TSA. Then I tell them, I'm hestitant having secong thoughts, and then we end the whole thing. I kinda want to get in contact with them and find out if they're still looking for new hires or not... we'll see.... Nah, not going to bother...

You know what I really want.... NOT being followed by a bunch of Gov agents. I've lived my whole life not having that be a concern. And now it's becoming quite annoying to have a bunch of jackasses following me around and shit. That's making YOU look stupid. I'm ME I'm a nerdy black guy. I'm like the LAST person you should be worrying about in this fucking terrible world. Yanno... I've always been like this. And I always will be. It's very comfortable existence for me. I know WHO I am and that's not a bad thing. So why am I being followed? WTF am I going to do, go to your house and start shit with your family? I want everybody to have a goddamn good life, yanno... that's me personally. We have all this shit going on, guy shooting up people in a theater, phillipenes is a mess, death every fucking day in this world. And why would I want to make things harder and worse for others. I honestly don't. That's all I got to say on that.

Well that was quick.

Almost as soon as I enter the goddamn door I'm leaving... That's how it works huh. I didn't think it would go down like this, but nope, no TSA for me. Got into trouble "disclosing information" which i didn't even think about or have any real understanding of, but apparently I can't release information about the tsa hiring process to anyone. Makes sense, just wish I had undrstood that before they rushed me through the hiring process. And i mean rush. There was not real effort made to help me understand the whole thing, they just wanted me to get it over with and jump into the ready pool. But no, they have to play big shots and act like I'm some kind of terrorist.

God damn. It ain't over though. Not yet.... One last ace in the hole and that's CBP. I'm still waiting for my TSL letter.

Sucks that I wasted my time trying to get back into TSA, but I suppose it's all God's hand in this. Maybe i'm meant for CBP and not TSA afterall. Just wish I didn't have to waste my time. That's the hardest part of all this. I came here, I did everything right, and one little snag ends the whole thing. It's their loss really. I'd just be a good TSO and that'd be the end of it. But no, they want to make life more complicated than it needs to be...

237 AM

Here's where the fun begins, as han solo would say, NOT Anakin Skywalker...

ugh, today hopefully I'll pass this stupid airport assesment. I did it before so there will be no surprises. Must be honest, and cool, because TSA people aren't that bad really. They love their job and wouldn't be averse to having someone else join them in val hala or whatever.

Thinking about how work will be at this new airport.

From the looks of it, it's pretty slow.... not much action. I can imagine so because this is fucking Alabama. It's not a big money state. Pretty plain jane po-dunk backwater place.

This could be great because I'll do my job, then go home, and not even feel tired. I mean, working at LGA, you are busy. People on top of people because it's NEW YORK. The industrial center of the world, big business deals being made, people coming to see the city, and that's great. I have nothing against tourists coming to new york and seeing the amazing city as it is. I've lived here all my life and it still is a hell of a town... but fuck it's just insane to work at the airport where you just get bombarded by people coming here, and leaving every day.

What's so fucking great about Alabama? Nothing that I can see. There's no disney here. That's the real problem is if there's something to attract people... then the airport is going to be fucked. but there's nothing here... this place is completely BORING. I may have discovered the best EVER place to work. We'll see. I kinda want to take a brake in life now... I've beeen working hard as fuck for all these years. It'd be nice to get a job, not kill myself, and just accomplish my goals nice and low key under the radar.

Look at how my life has turned out. Got motherfuckers in the military and all this shit watching my ass, how the hell does one little nerdy urkel black kid end up having the entire fucking world on his shoulders... That's just not making any sense.

I'm a little ant in a big world, and that's fine with me... Goddamn...