FUCK

I relapsed. I can't take it. I'm all alone here. It's just me me me me me. If I don't decide to stop giving in to the temptations, then nothing will help me. It hurts to do it and it hurts to not do it. there's no middle ground in this. I'm so tightly wound and I want to just die DIE die DIE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm afraid!

I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid of being hurt again.

What am I supposed to do? I don't want to work at this stupid job with this guy who's just the weirdest guy on earth. I don't want to live here forever being told how to live my life by my parents. I don't want to get into huge amounts of debt at college only to have to struggle to pay it off and on top of that struggle to get women and have to pay for them. It hurts to be alive.

Why do I go on? Why? It hurts... I don't know why... But I will.