Who am I?

I'm a writer.

I've finally made up my mind on what it is I want to do and it's to write. It's cathartic for me because I'm a troubled person with a lot on his mind about the way life is and I want to put it down on record. I'm scared honestly of being an adult and what that means because I honestly don't know what it means. 18 and poof you're a full grown mature adult, huh? Well where's the maturity cuz I don't see it. My brain feels sort of compressed on the left side like there's a problem there, not enough blood... and I don't know whether that's from my over-use of the internet or just from not getting girls or what? I'm weak because of it. Emotionally... I can't feel anything.

Life is like a movie I'm watching to me, not an interactive experience.

I used to feel different.

Well whatever. I'm tough, just need to fight my way to the finish line... writing's not hard, yanno. Everyone thinks you have to kill yourself to do it, but nope, just write, anything. Just write.

Number one rule though, don't lie. You can't go wrong with honesty in my experience. Leave lies to those who want to be thought dishonest and untrustworthy.

I'll never lie again after the superman wars which still haunt me to this day even though it's been years. Years only exist when you actually live them. I've been doing the same stuff the past couple of years, no changes, nothing... still some idiot at a computer with waaaaay too much free time who needs to get his act together.

I feel horrible every day. I wonder if it's just my body's changing or punishment for dropping out of school. that seems silly to me because I'd feel this brain pain regardless of whether I dropped out or not.

Anyway I'll be able to think more clearly once I've overcome my porn addiction. It's an addiction, no getting around it. I'm like a methadone addict or something, like how those guys feel crumby if they don't get their fix? I still sort of think maybe I'm not addicted, and it's just normal to want sex, but that's just my brain trying to trick me into giving in to temptation. I'm not some kind of bible thumper guy who takes religion as undeniable truth, but maybe there's something to that whole idea of not giving in to lust, I don't know... Well got to go to bed and wake up for work tomorrow. good night.