Shit

tomorrow's going to be tough. I made a pretty bad mistake today at work that I've been killing myself over. I dropped a huge can pretty close to where a guy was standing. If it was closer it'd have crushed him. I'm glad nothing happened, but wow what if it did... messes me up mentally this does... But no matter. I got to be a Man about this and press on.

YES. Come on! I can do this! I'm going to do this!

Why's it going to be tough? Because he'll be there, the big pain in the ass co-worker guy with the halo cult. I just know he's going to try something. And I don't know what to do when that moment comes. It's over between us, guy. I'll be working nights in the bag room and you'll do whatever somewhere else. So let's treat each other like strangers!

WTF I go out on the streets every day and don't seriously interact with people since I'll never see them again for the rest of my life. Same shit.

GOD I Got to get in the military. Got to... I have no other alternative but that that I can think of. Sure I can bounce around from job to job, but I'll be a nobody. I see people who've got their college degrees and they're all happy and clean and stuff. me, I'm this dorky looking guy who's nothing, not super intelligent, not a serious threat to anyone, just practically a walking corpse.

I'll go as far as an associates and be content with that. Just do my job and find a good girl to settle down with and make some kind of little life together. That's all I want... But I have to become a strong man to do it. This world is NO JOKE. People don't care about you or me. They'll crush you and happily walk away, no pity. So you better defend yourself somehow. I'm hoping I learn some type of mental and physical skills in the military that will help me, otherwise, I'll need to make an insane choice to push myself to beyond my current limits and survive any way I can. Like I said, I'm not going down without a fight and I'm fully committed to that.