addiction

It's been a while since I've ejaculated. I'm doing good but this is very stressful. I feel dead, plain emotionless, like a machine.

I lost my phone today... Which is unfortunate because I need it to get a call from the airforce.

Oh well. I'm starting to get used to the routine of working and living offline in the real world. I may not be a great philosopher or intellectual but I'm a decent enough person and if that's wrong to someone they can go die alone. What a thought, dying alone... I've nothing to look forward to really. I'm a post feminsim male who's trapped in his role as hunter gatherer after all... It's what I think a lot of young men like me feel. When I'm at work, it's like a little community of people who've just accepted the fact that life sucks for them. They have to suck on the mammary of their job or what, live in the streets... I knew it would be this way, just go to school, then find some job to take care of you like a new parent. And now I'm the one who's supposed to know it all by now, know how to get girls and how to talk politics and stuff that I've never been interested in since that's just what people expect from me. I hate that. People really do try to control other people because they're afraid they'll be a danger. It's just human nature to want to feel safe I guess, can't blame anyone for that. But don't go doing unto other what you wouldn't want done to you. I keep thinking that's the best rule ever concieved yet you'll find that it's never followed.

Anyway, god, I hope I can get over this porn addiction. I just don't know... Can it be overcome? It's been several days now without it. I wake up with a hard on every day and am compelled to make some man sauce for old time's sake, but I force myself to not do it and it's just torture all day as my mind craves the endorphin high it gets from the ejaculation. I'm hoping that in time this craving will die off and I'll feel slightly more balanced, we'll see....